I have had a few days to ponder over insomnia and how things went for me, my team and SSRCG/TeqR as a whole so I thought it would be a good idea to blog it here. I do hope to do more easy reading in the future but will not have any kind of schedule or frequency.
I booked Wednesday to the Thursday after off, I was looking forward immensely to 17:30 on Tuesday, I haven’t had a proper break in a while, and work has been massively pressuring and stressful with huge client deadlines. Chris and James were coming on Wednesday so me and Jade had time to get the house ready, with sheets etc.
We had a laugh when they got in on Wednesday, few drinks, a smoke and then went to bed.
Thursday we hit up costco to grab some energy drinks etc, well worth it the water and aloe juice was a godsend all weekend. We get to LAN and for once the queues aren’t as bad as previous so we just let them die down a bit and went in. While we waited to get in we collected Tom from Intnl train station and a pissed Karrage from the airport. The hall was laid out a lot better and we were further away from the esports stage than last time. The only issue was the air con was a bit harsh sometimes but it was cool. We wanted to prac properly but Stian (Karrage) was hammered so we played one and still managed to win. We decided to go around 1-2 to get a decent night.
The next day groups come and despite there being 81 teams the groups are 5/6 and top 1 goes through. This is to get 14 people up to the upper groups and allow the teams in the UK masters to go to knockouts for free… Immediately this is a bit shit but whatever. We lose our first game 16-13 to Omen esports, purely down to not being warmed up and prepared. There were a few key mistakes from individuals that lost us the game, but whatever it was the first game.
We got a bye against some random mix, and get to this team called Bah Bye Driver. I remember them being pretty mouthy in the aim map where you do the vetoes, and thinking to myself you are going to get it in the arse here, a combination of zero tolerance for the attitude and being annoyed at losing to Omen. We vetoed down to Cobble and ran riot on them, easy life. Then we played Mario All Stars, again we obliterated them. I was happy here as we crushed both teams, but annoyed that we didnt beat Omen still as that had messed up our group hopes. We were so good it didnt matter if we had played good teams or not we were locking them down. The strategy we took for map picks was working (we veto d2, mirage, let them veto nuke and play on train/overpass/cbble).
Then get to Enemies in Disbelief who have beaten everyone else in the group. I check them out on battlefy and recognise the names. I know this team will be hard so we have to get going. We veto down to cobble and they completely rinse us on their CT side, Logzi gets a 4k on pistol with 4 1 bullets. We didnt let this deter us and ended up losing 16-8 with Karrage playing really well. Enemies in Disbelief end up getting 4th place overall so not the worst placement.
We reconcile for the day and get to the inters the next day and end up going 2-3 for the same reasons, we fuck up games at the end by flapping our T side and not being prepared enough warmup wise. I was furious, after spending 4 months grinding all my spare time to try and represent the TeqR name as much as I could, bringing in new people, one from Norway who was a skill level above us and we fuck it up. My best placing is 2 LANs before, getting into the inter knockouts with a team who could only play Mirage ffs. I calm down and we have a drink. I didn’t drink too much and wanted to go home, then the lads all say they want to stay so we end up staying until 6am, pretty good night. A funny moment in the evening when someone kicked a bottle at our group outside, and it hit me, so I turned around and said dont throw bottles please and some young kid, 18 or 19 clearly too drunk said “he kicked it but whatever” so I said dont be a dick, next thing you know some dude like definitely 18 or 19 and around 5 foot on the dot calling me a fat cunt and offering me out. Everyone roared with laughter. I had sobered up a bit incase shit got real but quickly analysed that it wouldnt be a good fight and he was more likely to be a minor than not.
It was really great seeing everyone truly integrate and have a laugh together, people saying they were speaking to people they had not before, Karrage going down an absolute treat with the guys, Tom too. They felt like they had been part of the LAN gang for years, hugs, drinks, jokes, insults. We got a round table going and had some really funny exchanges including cabbage drinking a bottle in a way noone knew possible, and I mean he had most of the bottle in his mouth. James almost died.
It was great to see Jade just chain watching TV shows, playing hearthstone and having a laugh. I like to brag a lot about my amazing job and how I am in the gym so much etc (ignore the belly) but really Jade is an absolute unsung hero. She helps with the clothes orders, cleaned the house in prep, orders the food, checks the ticket prints. Works, takes care of me and Sophia and the dogs so seeing he relaxing and doing whatever the hell she wanted was incredibly satisfying.
We went home and slept for a fair bit and went back. This is when all 100 of us bought golf with your friends and had some really good games, then played some casual titles and the lads drank more. I only drank one night this time. I took care of my CS team, fed them, transported them, provided beds, snacks and kept us safe. Even though the results werent what we wanted, it was definitely the best team I had ever been in across any title. We had a deep map pool, great takes and holds and a lot of chemistry but there were apparent issues.
When I got home on monday, I fell asleep at 5pm for around 17 hours with an hour break in the middle to eat chicken that Jade provided kindly.
When I managed to recover I took a few hours to think while I messed around on Pokemon Heartgold(Thanks Sherenne for making me want to play gold/silver again) I realised I was thinking about this wrong. I wanted to be the one who took TeqR esports up and make it a reputable brand, which I will, but not in game. I certainly hit my skill ceiling for the time I have available on CS and I recognise it so I have now retired from competition and will focus on developing the teams and the brand and achieve what I want to, for Matt. I had planned on doing this anyway but it was concrete now.
I took a step back and looked at the issues through prac and at LAN with the team. I identified problems in the team during the build up to LAN. James and me had some personality clashes, as did James and Tom. We had issues early on with Chris’ commitment and we fixed them to a degree. We all fell madly in love with eachother at LAN, any personality clashes were left on the floor with the clothes ;-).
One recurring theme is that me and Chris would more often than others have to be late for prac, or change days for work reasons. Chris had a pretty big job change, then back to his old job in a more senior role and it had a big impact on his life. He is a young clever man with a lovely girlfriend, a promising career and a fucktonne of fads to play with. I decided it was better to get another player who can commit as much as Tom, Stian and James. Pre LAN I was close to kicking James due to the disagreements but I let myself cool and we fixed everything. Myself and Tom spoke and he agreed this was the way to go. Chris is a tremendous person, a good player and has done things that cannot be reversed for TeqR esports. He will forever be in the hall of fame for playing. I hope dearly this doesn’t go the way a lot of team changes go and he disappears, I can find another role for him.
We have already replaced me, with another Nord (god help us) called Electrics(André) and are trying two people out tonight. The idea is we get a massive upgrade over me and Chris otherwise whats the point? ESEA starts soon so you will see our new lineup in quick time.
My time now will be to play casually, focus on growing the org and making LAN even more amazing. It feels nice to not have prac, maybe I can fad with chris and noodle and play whatever game comes out, and make websites for it just as it dies.
Try to remember guys dont be made at what you didnt achieve, be happy with what you did